Homes and Other Black Holes by Dave Barry

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Synopsis

"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him."
--The New York Times Book Review
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET
At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered before:
What's the best way to determine a realistic price range?
Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six.
Can you recommend a good mortgage?
There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead.
How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects?
Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too.
Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn?
Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.


From the Paperback edition.
 

About Dave Barry

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DAVE BARRY's recent bestselling books include his Peter Pan prequels, written with Ridley Pearson; Dave Barry's History of the Millennium (So Far); and I'll Mature When I'm Dead. He lives in Coral Gables, Florida.ALAN ZWEIBEL is an original Saturday Night Live writer, the winner of multiple Emmy Awards for his television work, the Thurber Prize for his novel The Other Shulman, and collaborator with Billy Crystal on the Tony Award–winning play 700 Sundays. He lives in Short Hills, New Jersey.
 
Published July 15, 2010 by Ballantine Books. 208 pages
Genres: Political & Social Sciences, Humor & Entertainment, Business & Economics, Literature & Fiction. Non-fiction

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