A transformative book about the lives we wish we had and what they can teach us about who we are
All of us lead two parallel lives: the one we are actively living, and the one we feel we should have had or might yet have. As hard as we try to exist in the moment, the unlived life is an inescapable presence, a shadow at our heels. And this itself can become the story of our lives: an elegy to unmet needs and sacrificed desires. We become haunted by the myth of our own potential, of what we have in ourselves to be or to do. And this can make of our lives a perpetual falling-short.
But what happens if we remove the idea of failure from the equation? With his flair for graceful paradox, the acclaimed psychoanalyst Adam Phillips suggests that if we accept frustration as a way of outlining what we really want, satisfaction suddenly becomes possible. To crave a life without frustration is to crave a life without the potential to identify and accomplish our desires.
In this elegant, compassionate, and absorbing book, Phillips draws deeply on his own clinical experience as well as on the works of Shakespeare and Freud, of D. W. Winnicott and William James, to suggest that frustration, not getting it, and and getting away with it are all chapters in our unlived lives—and may be essential to the one fully lived.
About Adam PhillipsSee more books from this Author
One wonders if we should not be trying to “get” these essays at all, but rather let our single-mindedness about what we want from them...loosen amid the paradoxes Phillips presents.Read Full Review of Missing Out: In Praise of the... | See more reviews from NY Times
Psychoanalysis may no longer be interesting, just about, but Phillips's writing about it is.Read Full Review of Missing Out: In Praise of the... | See more reviews from Guardian
...a more oblique and fragmentary piece of work than it first appears, but perhaps appropriately so.Read Full Review of Missing Out: In Praise of the... | See more reviews from Guardian
For readers of a more scientific bent, Phillips' frequent appeals to literature may seem out of place. His style, too...can sometimes be so fluid that it's difficult to pin down exactly what the writer believes.Read Full Review of Missing Out: In Praise of the... | See more reviews from NPR
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