Having a magic carpet isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, especially if you’re overweight. Marty Janko, a bartender, is a slob and a proud SNOB: Supporter of Native Oregon Beer.
To solve a concavity-problem caused by his weight, Marty ties the flying carpet to a sheet of plywood, enabling him to lie down on the carpet and go out for “flyabouts” at night with a hydration pack (filled with beer) on his back. Flying no faster than 35mph because he is deathly afraid of crashing into geese, Marty stays below 1,500 feet to avoid being detected by satellite radar.
While flying back home one night, Marty falls asleep … and is finally awakened off the coast by F-15 Eagle fighter jets of the Oregon Air National Guard. Chased by the jets and a Coast Guard helicopter, he ends up making a crash-landing in a forest near Pacific City.
Unable to get to work that day, Marty is fired from his bartending job. But things go from bad to worse when he is violently stabbed by a Skinhead after getting off the MAX train at Pioneer Courthouse Square – after asking the foulmouthed thug on the train to speak more softly. (Marty hates to take the train because of the many inconsiderate, loudmouthed people, but he has to take the train because of a DUII.)
Thrown into the media spotlight because of the violent attack, Marty is coaxed by his pregnant domestic partner, Barbara (who is a vendor at Portland Saturday Market), to take advantage of his proverbial fifteen minutes of fame and champion a good cause – and Marty finally comes up with the “5-Foot Rule”, which states that people on public transportation should tone down their talking (as well as their thumping music) so that they cannot be heard farther than five feet away. (He points his finger most strongly at the hordes of inconsiderate blabbermouths on their cell phones.)
Barbara talks Marty into flying her on the magic carpet to the top of the 650-foot-tall radio tower on Council Crest (nicknamed Stonehenge) so that she can help promote the 5-Foot Rule. A former tree-who protested old-growth logging, Barbara spends three days perched on top of the tower in a dramatic standoff with the Portland Police.
Set in the summer of 2009, Oregonian Nights is a barrel of laughs in addition to a barrel of beer, and it has it all: action, adventure, fantasy, and romance.
About Jim Riva
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Published December 6, 2013
by Soaring Sparrow Press.
Humor & Entertainment, Action & Adventure, Literature & Fiction.