Randolph Hedgeheath has always wanted to give the Almighty a piece of his mind, bend His ear a little. Well, here, suddenly, and not a little surprisingly, was his chance. But God did not exactly conform to expectations.
He must have heard me come up the gravelly drive for as I approached the house He, standing by the railing of a spacious deck and from what I could tell gazing into some divine distance, slowly turned to face me and His eyes found my startled ones and He looked down at me where I now stood, quite amazed and not a little scared, and announced, with neither greeting nor preamble, “I have changed my mind.”
Naturally, I didn’t get it.
Which, needless to say, was hardly surprising, for my mind was at this moment not exactly working at peak. And I ask you, in my shoes, what mind would have? This was capital gee God here, had to be, could be none other than, speaking, in person, down, at me. And I sure as hell didn’t get it.
Also, since this all happened so suddenly, I was probably in shock. Should have been in shock at any rate. Although, yes, I know, I’ve been asking Him for some time, begging Him if truth be told, sometimes even demanding, a word perhaps, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, an audience, yes, that’s what I’d like if this wouldn’t be putting Him to too much trouble. But, were I to be really honest, I never expected Him to actually exist, much less that He could/would listen, and still less that He would actually concede to one. Audience, that is.
But one instant, there I was: watering the lawn, spraying that yellowing spot (dog’s urine, I think—wish that dog would learn not to pee on the lawn) with extra care, talking to Him, again, cursing Him, as usual. You know: if only I could get my hands on Him (preferably around His neck) pointing out, again, for His edification naturally, some newly discovered problem or other with His so called creation. In other words, just a normal Saturday morning, just my normal one sided kind of cursingly conversational challenge for the Almighty, happens all the time, really.
So that’s the first instant. And the next, not even an eye’s blink later, I swear: here I am, wherever here is. I guess it’s Heaven—that’s where He hangs out, isn’t it? Where else could it be? A brief thought: Did He turned off the water, or is the hose still going full blast, still costing me so much a wet cubic yard to flood my lawn? No telling, but I do hope He’s thought of it.
This place is amazing, though. I kid you not. I got a good look coming up the drive from the old gate where He (unceremoniously) dumped me. I’m not sure what I had expected. Clouds and glory, I guess. A celestial city, something like that. White streets, you know, gilded spires, angels and harps. I don’t know. White, anyway; like those white, white rooms and corridors in the movie 2001. Yes, definitely. White. Something very white. That’s what I would have expected.
But not this place. Not in the least white.
About Ulf Wolf
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Published November 28, 2012
Religion & Spirituality, Humor & Entertainment, Literature & Fiction.