Synopsis At the induction center brave men fainted at the sight of doctors in white coats armed with needles. We were dumped into a Texas inferno where salesmen, clerks and teachers were transformed into ferocious fighting men, none so fierce however as the cooks who waved their butcher knives and screamed at defenseless K P s. Later we tasted the real hazards of war at an advanced infantry training camp: bullets, grenades, bazookas and forced marches in pouring rains, risking pneumonia in a winter wasteland of mud and slush. In spite of these harsh conditions I won a quarter mile race and was rewarded with a beautiful brunette. Soon we were off, not to Europe or the Pacific but to Arkansas to form a new battalion of Combat Engineers and train for a suicide mission: To slow the advance of charging Panzers. One trainees, on guard duty, managed to slow the advance of a milk truck. We adopted a Little Rock bar as our own and later cloned it in England, France, and Germany. When we finally embarked for overseas we were so tough only one man became seasick on the Staten Island Ferry. Our health was checked as we ran past examining doctors to board a ship. Off to England we went, where some men soon learned about the unique sex habits of the kind of English women who welcome foreign soldiers into their arms. On to France, aboard a truly sickening Landing Ship for Tanks. I witnessed the Battle of the Bulge from a safe distance of fifty miles, while guarding a dark intersection in Picardy. I was apprehended by a trigger happy M P who thought I was a Nazi spy. There were no charging Panzers after that and we sulked in dull unemployment. All this time we hated Warrant Officer Spode but, strangely, no one ever shot him. I encountered a charming angel in a drab mining town who taught me to love France. We crossed the Rhine in triumph, actually in the back of a truck, and soon I almost got shot in the men's room of a German restaurant. Joe was the shooter's name, and screwing up was his game. And finally the big wreaker driver, Bubba, discovered that a French woman can give birth to a big, beautiful, baby only six months after the affaire. The dupe actually handed out cigars, but abandoned his potential war bride to return, with his stolen French dog, to Coon Hollow and his remarkable mule. (Lucky for Her!) ForeWord Clarion Book Review
About Bill Edmonds
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Published April 16, 2010
Biographies & Memoirs, War, History.