The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
Rethinking Infidelity

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The State of Affairs offers no magical solution or a one-explanation-fits-all type of revelation. But there are revelations, important ones that can if not conclusively prevent infidelity, at least help us understand some of the reasons behind it.
-Blog Critics

Synopsis

Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.

An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.

For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.

Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.

Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

 

About Esther Perel

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Esther Perel is a couples and family therapist with a private practice in New York City. She is on the faculty of the International Trauma Studies program at Columbia University, is a member of the American Family Therapy Academy, and has appeared on many television programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Day New York, CBS This Morning, and HBO's Women Aloud. She lives in New York City with her husband and two children.
 
Published October 10, 2017 by Harper. 341 pages
Genres: Health, Fitness & Dieting, Self Help, Parenting & Relationships, Professional & Technical. Non-fiction
Bestseller Status:
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Critic reviews for The State of Affairs
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Kirkus

Good
on Aug 07 2017

Poignant stories of couples facing the aftermath of an affair and the highly knowledgeable analysis and advice they received from a well-trained couples’ therapist.

Read Full Review of The State of Affairs: Rethink... | See more reviews from Kirkus

Blog Critics

Above average
Reviewed by Adriana Delgado on Oct 29 2017

The State of Affairs offers no magical solution or a one-explanation-fits-all type of revelation. But there are revelations, important ones that can if not conclusively prevent infidelity, at least help us understand some of the reasons behind it.

Read Full Review of The State of Affairs: Rethink... | See more reviews from Blog Critics

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