The Vampire Relationship Guide, Volume 1 by Evelyn Lafont
Meeting and Mating

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Josie's an average girl who just wants one simple thing out of life--to have sex with a vampire. When she receives an invitation to a party thrown by one of the world's richest vamps, she doesn't stop to question her luck; she jumps into her favorite stilettos and heads out to the event of a lifetime, hoping that she'll come home with a sexy party favor.

But the great undead aren't just pointy toothed hotties waiting to satisfy Josie's carnal desires. With a single-minded focus on fulfilling her sole sexual longing, Josie unwittingly entrenches herself in the twisted world of vampire relationships with no one to guide her but herself.


By the time we got to Rocket Burger, I felt like I’d been ridden hard and put away wet. And if I’d just been having sex that would have been great, but considering that I felt this way after a ten minute drive with Walker, it didn’t bode well for the rest of the evening.

Walker, as a vampire, generally didn’t get hot. So when the air conditioning went out in his truck he saw no need to fix it. In order to keep me from suffocating or sweating literally to death on the ride to Rocket Burger, we had to drive with the windows rolled down. Naturally this didn’t really cool me off so much as whip my hair into a crazy frenzy, get sand and road dust stuck to my face, and evenly spread my sweat all over my body. In short, I was disgusting.

We got out of the car and Walker asked me something but I couldn’t hear him over the roar of hundreds of motorcycles all revving their engines for bike night. Since I also can’t read lips I simply looked at Walker stupidly, unsure how to even react to the sounds he was obviously trying to make.

“You have a hair,” he shouted, “going up your nose!”

Of course I did. I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to make it look sexily tousled but I’m sure I didn’t achieve the look. “Can we get a table?” I shouted back to him.

He smiled and grabbed my hand and then pulled me toward the building. Rocket Burger is made up of two different sections--the original restaurant which is closed-in and air-conditioned and the ramshackle shack portion of the restaurant which has a lovely and quaint dirt floor, picnic tables, and random two-by-fours with plywood crookedly affixed to them as “walls.” How it has survived hurricane season in Florida for over fifty years is anybody’s guess.

Walker led me to the unair-conditioned ramshackle portion of the restaurant and we sat down at an empty picnic table. Since my white shorts were already looking less than clean, I didn’t bother to wipe off the seat. To hell with it, I thought. It’s not like we’re ever going on another date.

The waitress came to our table and asked what we wanted to drink. We both ordered beer and I went ahead and put in my hamburger order too. Walker, apparently, wasn’t hungry because he didn’t ask for anything in the way of food. Maybe I wasn’t the only one that wanted to get this over with quickly.

I was surprised when Walker’s hand reached across the table and rested on top of mine. One of my eyebrows went up and I looked at him. “Really? Is that how you feel this date is going? It’s going well enough to touch each other?”

He laughed. “I’m a man, Josie. We could be swinging bats at each other’s heads and I’d still want to touch you.

Book Blogger Reviews:

"The snarky wit and humor Evelyn Lafont uses will leave you gasping for more." -Stephanie Gutenberger,
"I wasn't sure what to expect from this book but whatever it was it sure went way beyond it. It was awesome. I loved it.Josie was smart, funny and totally sarcastic kinda girl that I love."-Amber,
"I read half of this little novella last night in the bath. I thought I was going to have to sue Evelyn for the cost of a new kindle, the amount of times I nearly dropped it in the water from laughing so har

About Evelyn Lafont

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Evelyn Lafont is a freelance writer, author and avid reader. She likes long walks on the beach and...oh crap--this is the wrong profile for that.As a writer, she doesn't venture outside very often, and when she does she frequently complains about the sun, weather, wind, trees, and stars. In order to avoid such a frightening onslaught of stimuli, she stays tucked safely inside with her keyboard and her imagination.
Published December 3, 2013 by Helios Media, Inc.. 180 pages
Genres: Humor & Entertainment, Romance, Literature & Fiction. Non-fiction

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