This Is Your Captain Speaking by Jon Methven
A Novel

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Synopsis

A PILOT, A JOURNALIST, AND A SEMEN TRAFFICKER WALK ONTO A PLANE . . .

When flight AW2921 crashes into the Hudson River and all 162 passengers survive, it’s a Monday morning miracle. What the rapturous public doesn’t know: the whole thing was staged as a last-ditch attempt at resurrecting the Air Wanderlust stock price.

Captain Hank Swagger piloted the miracle plane into the river. Disgraced TV news anchor Lucy Springer was “luckily” the only reporter on board, and the first to capture the story. Con man Normal Fulk recently faked his own death to escape the consequences of his barely legal career as a celebrity semen trafficker. Toting his last big score—the “John Lennon”—Normal has to leave it behind on the sinking plane or risk being identified and arrested.

In the aftermath of the crash and the chaotic week that follows, Lucy, Normal, and Captain Swagger are all about to discover what it means to be at the center of a miracle that is anything but.
 

About Jon Methven

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Jon Methven has worked as a paperboy, a dishwasher, a Ponderosa meat cook (everything medium well), a pizza deliverer, a golf course grounds crewman, a barbecue seasoning filter employee, an illegal barbecue seasoning filter employee since he was living in Australia without a work visa at the time, a bartender, a mascot at Yankee Stadium (Mr. Popcorn), a journalist, a taste tester, and a cubicle dweller. He knows things you can only dream of knowing, or can learn if willing to work for minimum wage. His work has appeared at Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, n+1, The New York Times, and New York magazine, and he currently writes the “Analytically Speaking” column that appears Mondays at The Awl. He lives in New York City with his wife and son.
 
Published June 5, 2012 by Simon & Schuster. 338 pages
Genres: Humor & Entertainment, Literature & Fiction. Fiction

Unrated Critic Reviews for This Is Your Captain Speaking

Kirkus Reviews

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Where the book ratchets up the absurdity is in the story of Lucy Springer, a media darling whose two loves were her banker husband and a doppelganger named “Ava Tardner,” the puppet costume she was wearing when she shot up her cheating husband’s office.

May 20 2012 | Read Full Review of This Is Your Captain Speaking...

Publishers Weekly

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While Swagger’s heroics may reverse the airline’s financial nosedive, his evacuation ass-slapping draws the suspicions of another passenger, Celebrity Twitter Beat anchor and Sandra Bullock look-alike Lucy Springer.

Apr 09 2012 | Read Full Review of This Is Your Captain Speaking...

Entertainment Weekly

In this absurdist satire, a similar splash landing proves to be a full-scale hoax, not a miracle, and two passengers — a trafficker of celebrity sperm and a puppet-armed news anchor — find themselves at the center of the conspiracy.

May 25 2012 | Read Full Review of This Is Your Captain Speaking...

Bookmarks Magazine

In the aftermath of the crash and the chaotic week that follows, Lucy, Normal, and Captain Swagger are all about to discover what it means to be at the center of a miracle that is anything but.

May 28 2012 | Read Full Review of This Is Your Captain Speaking...

Time Out Chicago

Swagger is one of three main characters, including Lucy Springer, a former TV anchor now manning the celebrity Twitter beat who is the first to suspect something is wrong, and black-market sperm trafficker Normal Fulk, who lost a tube of John Lennon’s seed when the plane hit the water.

May 31 2012 | Read Full Review of This Is Your Captain Speaking...

Reader Rating for This Is Your Captain Speaking
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